At one point in our life, we have all felt like we're not good enough, as if there is something wrong with us, and that we are unlovable. It's not uncommon to experience this feelings, especially given the way society functions nowadays.
The pressures of media, influencers, and brands makes us question our value. We fall trap to the comparison game and spend wishing our days away hoping to achieve a level of beauty, success and happiness that more often than not is fabricated and edited.
For whatever reason it is that you're not feeling happy about yourself, I'm here to tell you that this is something the majority of us struggles with. I know I battle with this every day and from my experience I can tell you that you need to take it one day at a time. Things can get better, but it's going to take time and honesty to dive deep into your feelings and lifestyle to recognize the patterns and triggers that cause this feelings and attitude.
There are some simple ways you can start showing yourself more love. If you practice this small actions regularly, you'll start to shift your mindset and start seeing how beautiful, important, and valuable you are.
Like I told you, the important thing is to take it one day at a time and learn to celebrate and appreciate the small victories. This isn't a magic cure. It's a lifestyle change that has to be consistent and inclusive, meaning it requires you to work on several aspects of your mental, physical, and spiritual well-being.
Mental well-being: It all starts with your mind
You need to learn to love yourself and become your biggest supporter. I know this sounds like a cliché but it's the truth. Sometimes, it's our negative self-talk and self-doubts that affects us the most.
We tend to be too hard on ourselves but are so invested in loving and caring for others. This isn't me telling you to stop being kind towards your family and friends, it's me telling you to start being more kind to yourself. You really should feel and treat yourself like the most important person in your life. There's no walking around it.
I told you this isn't a magic cure. Also I'm not a guru that has life figured out. Just like you, I'm struggling to keep it together but I'm working hard every day to live and feel my best. That's why I'm sharing some ways I've been keeping my mind positive and inviting more self-love into my thoughts.
1. Setting boundaries | You can't be everything to everyone
I can't even begin to tell you the times I've spent doing things for others, listening to their problems, only to find out that no one was really asking me about my own. I would lay in bed at night, upset and crying about my own struggles, with no one to talk to.
So I've had to cut people out of my life completely. Not everyone-just the toxic ones. The ones that drain your energy and happiness and only use you for their own benefit without ever doing something kind and selfless for you.
You don't owe anything to anyone and the sooner you embrace this truth, the more liberated and free you'll be. Remember, you are the most important person in your life and it's time to start putting your needs and wants at the top of the list.
2. Curate content | You become what you consume
What you allow into your mind, becomes part of your life. If you're following people that annoy you or trigger unhealthy feelings, or you read news and articles that make your blood boil, you will invite jealousy or anger into your mind. So be mindful of the content you are consuming.
No one is forcing you to follow someone on social media, or to buy a book that doesn't interest you. You don't have to watch a show on Netflix just because everyone else is talking about it. And you don't have to reply to hate on Twitter or Instagram or get involved in the latest YouTube drama.
The choice is ultimately yours. Consume positive and inspiring content that makes you happy, serves a purpose and will help you grow as a kind and loving person.
3. Reassess your priorities | Your worth comes from within
So many people make the mistake of tying their worth to external circumstances or material things. We've all done this at one point- thinking that if we buy certain items or if certain people give us attention or if we obtain a promotion or more money we will finally be happy, valuable and have everything we desire.
The problem with this mindset is that nothing is ever enough. You end up in a cycle always wanting more and more.
Being dependent on other people’s approval to feel worthy and important will leave you feeling drained and empty. Why? Because when you are constantly trying to impress other people you can't control how they treat you or even acknowledge you. And when they don't give you the attention and approval you crave, your mind spirals into feelings of rejection and heartbreak.
Instead, take control back. Give yourself the power to acknowledge and believe that you are worthy and important exactly how you are. Every little quirk, every part of you, even your weird habits are special and unique. You don't need anything more than what you already have to be valuable and deserving.
Physical well-being: take care of your body and your surroundings
Let's face it, you can't achieve mental well-being without taking care of your body and your environment. You need your body to be healthy and you need your surroundings to give you peace, inspiration and joy.
If you're constantly feeling sick or if you spend too much time in a messy, loud or dull space, you will start to feel sad and unmotivated.
Sometimes it's really hard to get a grip on your physical health, especially if you suffer from chronic illnesses. I struggle with this myself and I can honestly tell you that many times I've blamed myself for getting sick. I get this feeling of guilt for always being tired and not being able to be productive with my work. I have so many to-do lists that are piling up in my desk drawers because my health issues won the battle that day and I had to give up.
This makes me feel angry with myself and I feel like a total failure. But little by little I've started to accept the fact that it's okay to rest when I feel sick. I'm also learning to let go of the self-shaming and guilt tripping. I know that with some lifestyle changes and self-care practices I can improve my physical health and therefore allowing me to use my time for things that matter most to me.
4. Holistic health | The secret is in the details
Nothing sustainable happens in one night, especially having a healthy body. You need to make lifestyle changes and be consistent with them. No single pill, diet or workout routine is going to solve your problems.
Being honest with yourself, recognizing your weaknesses, and taking full responsibility is the first step. What bad habit are you having a hard time breaking? Look at your daily routine to identify those actions or moments in the day where you feel like total crap.
It can be small things like not going to the dentist regularly, staying up late watching Netflix, eating late at night; or more serious things like not addressing nutrient deficiencies or overexerting yourself at the gym- you get the point.
Without your health, you've got nothing. And there is no greater form of self-love than telling your body how much it means to you by taking proper care of it and treating it with love and respect.
5. Living sanctuary | You attract energy from all things around you
Your surroundings should always make you feel peace, happiness and inspiration. Your mental and physical well-being are intertwined and because humans are sensory beings, they react to internal and external factors.
If you're constantly spending time in a room where people are screaming or where things are messy and dirty, your sensory receptors will detect and respond to that stimuli of negative energy. This negativity has a direct impact in your body, which in turn releases stress hormones that can make you feel uneasy.
I know it can be hard to avoid stressful environments, especially if you share a space with others. But there is no excuse for not making your own space as comfortable as possible. Even if you have a small area at home-maybe your room or a desk- wherever it is that you spend time alone, make sure it makes you feel like rainbows and butterflies.
Keeping a space tidy, clutter-free, and surrounded by items and colors that inspire you will have such a big impact on your mood and feelings.
6. Be active | You are not a statue
Your body needs to move. You can't expect to feel healthy and happy if you spend most of the day doing the same boring thing in the same boring position- which let's face it is probably sitting down in front of a computer.
You need to use your energy, get your blood circulating and put those muscles to work. Any type of physical activity is beneficial to your overall health. You don't need to run a 10K or lift 200 lbs. at the gym to be active. Any little thing counts. The only requirement is that you do something fun. No one is forcing you to take a dreadful, annoying spinning class. Just do something you enjoy.
Spiritual well-being: connect with your purpose
Often times, when feelings of insecurity and low self-confidence take over our life, there's a deeper situation that needs to be addressed. My personal experiences lead me to finally understand that more than anything else, what I was really craving was having a sense o purpose and understanding of what path I wanted to pursue in life.
Living a seemingly meaningless life can really take a toll on your mental and physical well-being too. You feel unworthy, useless, and you start comparing what others are doing. Then you start to wonder why things aren't working out for you. You start to blame yourself for not living and enjoying a successful life.
There's no shortcut to finding and connecting with your life purpose and neither are you going to discover a single path. Life is unpredictable and your experiences will take you to different places both emotionally and spiritually. All you can do is surrender to what sets your soul on fire, listen closely to your intuition, and stand by your values, principles and beliefs.
7. Foster a creative mindset | Let your soul wander and discover.
You can't have new and exciting experiences if you keep following the same routine. If you truly want to follow a path that allows you to live a life of meaning and purpose, you need to identify what opportunities are out there that resonate with your soul.
Fostering your creativity doesn't have to be complicated or expensive. You can find new hobbies and activities everywhere around you.
There are so many things you can try, like starting a journal, taking photographs, dancing. or joining a book club. All that matters is that you find a project you truly enjoy and that allows you to challenge your mind by creating and discovering something new.
8. Letting go | Forgive yourself for the past and move on
Life is tricky and complex. Sometimes the only way to learn a valuable lesson is by making mistakes. No one can expect to live a life free of mess and chaos- even if it's something minuscule.
There are situations where the pain is unbearable and you are really hurting. Letting go of the past is not an easy thing. It is even harder to let go of the feelings of anger, guilt and blame. But you need to understand that if you don't show yourself kindness and compassion, no one else will. The healing process starts with you.
It will take time and commitment, but you need to be honest with yourself and evaluate how your past mistakes are making you feel. Sometimes you'll need to confront certain people or visit certain places to get a better understanding and gain closure.
Just remember: take it little by little and don't push yourself. Be patient and trust that you will heal if you allow for change and transformation to fill your soul.
9. Trust your intuition | Listen to your emotions
You know yourself better than anyone else. So at the end of the day, you need to listen to what your gut is telling you. Your intuition will tell you when someone or something isn't right for you.
Sometimes it might seem difficult to know if you're making the right decision and it is normal to feel cluttered and clouded, especially given all the distress and distractions around us. But the most important thing is to listen to your emotions. Your soul will beam once you allow happiness, kindness, peace, growth, positivity, and self-love into your life.
I hope this simple actions help you foster genuine self-love. I want you to know that you are truly amazing and valuable. Always stay true to yourself and embrace all your wonderful and incredible qualities.
Remember, life is a journey and the important thing is to take it one day at a time. Be patient and kind with yourself. You deserve the greatest happiness and love from life.
Thank you so much for reading.
Until next time.
Gabriela Fernández
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